This is the second of a series of Christmas blogs which shows my gradual escape from feelings of sadness and grief since my husbands death in 2008.
Challenges
As I look through my diary for this Christmas it?s noticeable that life was much better in many ways than the previous year.
The finances had been sorted, and the marital home had been sold. I had bought a new one giving me and my three children a fresh start and I?d left my job, to spend time healing and being there for my children.
My diary is full of routines to keep the house in order, and some personal routines that focused on improving my own wellbeing, meditation, exercise and daily reading of wisdom and self help literature. I was thinking about painting our home. I love colour, and since it was magnolia throughout, I wanted us to put our own stamp on it.
Feeling Sadness and Grief
I had been in a relationship with another man, who had been a wonderful support throughout the death of my husband and beyond. But our relationship had ended, and this Christmas felt even worse than the year before. I?d lost my husband, and my boyfriend. I felt incredibly alone, and grieving the loss of these two men in my life.
Christmas can be such a happy time when you are feeling good, but I was prepared for an emotionally draining fortnight. I decided to organise a dinner party with some friends in the week before Christmas, I thought it would give me the boost that I needed. But as it turned out, many had already made other plans, and I ended up with a bad cold so I cancelled the dinner party.
My diary says that my parents came over for Boxing Day and yet I haven?t noted a menu or presents received. I clearly wasn?t quite on top of things. There are no other entries in my diary.
I remember that this was the loneliest, saddest Christmas I?ve experienced.
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Source: http://www.maxinehargreaves.com/my-escape-from-sadness-and-grief-christmas-2009
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